With the name Angry Whopper, you would expect this burger to be one spicy mofo that burns

worse than the penis of a 1980′s rocker who’s conquered way too many groupies. However, despite containing jalapeno slices, pepper jack cheese, spicy onion rings, and a spicy Angry Sauce, the Angry Whopper produced just a whimper.


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With the name Angry Whopper, you would expect this burger to be one spicy mofo that burns

worse than the penis of a 1980′s rocker who’s conquered way too many groupies. However, despite containing jalapeno slices, pepper jack cheese, spicy onion rings, and a spicy Angry Sauce, the Angry Whopper produced just a whimper.

The only anger I get from the Angry Whopper is the anger I feel for it not being spicy enough. The red Angry Sauce was more peppery than spicy, the onion rings tasted normal, and the pepper jack cheese produced jack shit in terms of spiciness. The pickled jalapeno was the only ingredient that produced any spicy heat.

On an angry scale of one to ten, with ten being Naomi Campbell beating your ass with a cell phone for not ensuring her Starbucks order was at her desired temperature of 63-degrees Celcius and one being an even-toned “I’m disappointed in you” from your laid back parents who don’t really believe in discipline, the Angry Whopper was a three, or a quick Three Stooges-esque slap to the head.

The Angry Whopper may not be able to burn Satan’s mouth or my own, but it’s damn tasty. The two ingredients that made me kind of forget about this burger’s lack of heat was the tangy Angry Sauce and the smokey bacon, both of which turned this burger into one delicious mamma jamma. It’s so good that if a Whopper Virgin were to eat this burger, they would love how tight it is and become a huge Whopper slut.

  • Item: Angry Whopper
  • Nutrition Facts: 1 burger – 880 calories, 55 grams of fat, 18 grams of saturated fat, 2 grams of trans fat, 110 milligrams of cholesterol, 1670 milligrams of sodium, 59 grams of carbs, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 13 grams of sugar, 37 grams of protein, and minutes of regret.
  • Price: $5.29
  • Size: 321 grams
  • Purchased at: Burger King
  • Rating: 7 out of 10
  • Pros: Very tasty. Angry Sauce was really good. Bacon. Best name for a Whopper spinoff EVER. Groupies.
  • Cons: Not very angry (spicy). Pricey. An insane amount of sodium. Getting beat down by a skinny supermodel with anger management problems. Parents who don’t believe in discipline. A burning penis.
Price: $2.99 Add to Cart
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