Cranky Fitness: Exercise Your Ass Off

by Jan Graham "Crabby McSlacker"

What's in the book?

    • Getting Started
    • Gym Etiquette
    • Cardio Tips
    • Strength Training
    • Fitness Activities to Try
    • Keeping Motivated
    • And More!


Can you bench-press a small automobile? Do you enjoy powering through ultra-marathons, barefoot and blindfolded, with one hand tied behind your back?

No? Perhaps your idea of a vigorous workout is more along the lines of wrestling a bag of popcorn into and out of the microwave, twisting open a couple of beer bottles, and heaving yourself gratefully onto the couch for a few hours of prime time TV.

But whether you’re in excellent shape or crappy shape or somewhere in between, you’re probably asking yourself the same question right now:

Why should I pay actual money to read an eBook about exercise when there’s so much online for free?

Good question, imaginary reader! It’s not like there’s any shortage of exercise tips out there.

Well sure, a lot of that is obvious stuff any moron already knows. (Make sure to stay hydrated when exercising on humid 110 degree days! Twenty minutes on a treadmill will not burn off an entire gallon of double fudge brownie ice cream!)

You may have also noticed that some of the “how to” advice is insanely complicated, impractical, or totally asinine. Plus some of the tips you read online may come from thinly disguised marketing outfits trying to sell you $450 fitness gadgets made from rubber bands and leftover bits of Styrofoam, or are trying to interest you in an exciting new growth hormone extracted fresh from the testicles of endangered Tanzanian rhinos.

But still, even if you eliminate the crackpots and scams, there are millions of completely free words published every day on the web telling you how to get in shape. If you’ve got the time to sort through it all, some of it even makes sense.

Here’s A Better Question to Ask Yourself:

How many of those sensible articles on fitness also offer foul language, a shitty attitude, and completely irrelevant and bizarre digressions about stuff no one should ever even be thinking about, let alone sharing publicly?

Hardly any, right?

Exercise can sometimes be outrageously fun and motivating (and there are some tricks to that). But mostly to stay in it for the long haul, you need a certain amount of patience, encouragement, and commiseration along with the basic information. How can you get that from an exercise physiology research article so dense and technical you need three Ph.D.’s to make sense of it? Or a perky fitness magazine article that assumes you have the IQ of an intestinal parasite, and will believe that four simple moves with a stretchy band will turn you into a fierce ripped superhuman?

So What’s in the Book, and What on Earth is “Cranky Fitness?”

This book includes advice on getting fit, some specifics about various activities you might want to pursue, a bit of motivation and inspiration, and a few advanced tweaks and tips. Despite the frequent use of swear words and copious whining, there are actually many practical, no-bullshit, research-backed techniques discussed for getting and staying in shape.

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