“When it comes to life and love, why do we believe our worst reviews?”
Carrie Bradshaw, “Sex And The City”What’s your story? Everyone has a dating & relationship story about himself or herself. Typically, we see ourselves in a negative light. We think we know how other people see us, but do we really? I invite you to have the courage to find out what people are REALLY thinking about you. I bet you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
Like the woman who’s told, she’s attractive by several different people. She didn’t think that about herself for whatever reason. So, she didn’t own her own attractiveness and that came across in dating situations. So of course, when she was out with the opposite sex, she told herself the story of not being pretty enough, good enough for the men who dated her.
Or the man who didn’t realize that some women saw his devotion to caring for animals as a positive even if it meant it him to take a lower paying job in pet care. His kindness, compassion and natural intellectual curiosity, were all attractive qualities that were clearly evident to his colleagues and close friends.
You don’t want to fall into the trap of selling yourself short.
The "Best Self" Date More Challenge is a very simple challenge, which can lead to big breakthroughs in your dating life. It’s the first step in building a more confident self-image by accepting the positive perceptions others have of you.
Here’s how it works:
Make a list of at least 3-5 people who you think love you and accept you just as you are
Ask them these two questions: “What shows up when I do?” and “What qualities do I bring into a room?”
And this is the most important part: be quiet and do not say anything else!
It’s important not to get distracted or for the conversation to get off track. Just ask those two questions concurrently until you get some kind of an answer and try not to explain before they answer
And the information that you receive will almost always be positive 90% of the time.
“You’re really, really sweet. You dress well. You’re smart. You have a great sense of humor.” You’re asking people who love you; they’re basically going to tell you the things they love about you. But what they see isn’t why they love you.
Usually they will mention character traits that surprise even you. A quality, which, you didn’t realize you possessed or that you had the ability to affect people in a certain way.
That’s because people perceive us, as we are not necessarily by what we do. When you first meet someone, they often have a top of mind reaction to who you are as a person: Confident, funny strong, happy, they learn all of this just be how you enter a room.
Your next challenge is to avoid judging and minimizing what you hear. Instead, just take it all in as information.
By writing it down it obviously becomes real and something that you can ponder for use later. By doing this challenge with more than one person, you get a cross-section of fabulous feedback. Sometimes words are repeated and you realize that certain parts of your being are making a stronger impression than others. You learn that how you appear to other people isn’t how you thought others experienced you.
What’s important about this is that you didn’t try to be this way. It’s just how you are in the world. So, you can be this person largely without trying, by simply accepting it, stepping into it, owning it, and being it a little bit more.
Now, get out there and have more fun dating!
